If you were in any doubt whatsoever that Coldplay are on the wrong side of cool, then look no further. Their record company has just launched what they describe as “a new dawn in Coldplay news reporting” the uniquely-monikered, ‘Coldplay Messenger’. The e mail newsletter gets going gently, like a copy of Christian Music Weekly or a home-made scone. If it were breathing, you would have a short, fat children’s TV presenter standing in your front room the minute you opened it.  “Think of us as being like a friend who knows quite a lot about that band you like and who gets in touch every couple of weeks telling you what they’ve been up to, only you don’t have to reply saying “thanks mate, how are things with you?” says The Messenger.  “We’ve launched the Oracle Section, which is giving you folks the chance to find out the answer to a question about Coldplay (or, indeed, a question not about Coldplay).” Is this how EMI finds “new revenue models and investing in new ways of marketing and distributing music?” Yes it is. “To kick things off, we’re offering one reader the chance to win a Coldplay album which will not only be signed by the band, but personally dedicated to the person of their choice (be it the winner or, say, their spouse or grandmother).” Would Radiohead do this? Thom Yorke, can you save us?

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