Celebrity lesbians kissing a lot (The Sun)

Max Drummey plays UK show in a mask, but where is wife Peaches? (The Daily Mail)

Avril Lavigne too sexy to appear in Asia, (says blind man?) (The Superficial)

If you were in any doubt whatsoever that Coldplay are on the wrong side of cool, then look no further. Their record company has just launched what they describe as “a new dawn in Coldplay news reporting” the uniquely-monikered, ‘Coldplay Messenger’. The e mail newsletter gets going gently, like a copy of Christian Music Weekly or a home-made scone. If it were breathing, you would have a short, fat children’s TV presenter standing in your front room the minute you opened it.  “Think of us as being like a friend who knows quite a lot about that band you like and who gets in touch every couple of weeks telling you what they’ve been up to, only you don’t have to reply saying “thanks mate, how are things with you?” says The Messenger.  “We’ve launched the Oracle Section, which is giving you folks the chance to find out the answer to a question about Coldplay (or, indeed, a question not about Coldplay).” Is this how EMI finds “new revenue models and investing in new ways of marketing and distributing music?” Yes it is. “To kick things off, we’re offering one reader the chance to win a Coldplay album which will not only be signed by the band, but personally dedicated to the person of their choice (be it the winner or, say, their spouse or grandmother).” Would Radiohead do this? Thom Yorke, can you save us?

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Coldplay copy everything Radionhead does. Radiohead hate it.

Guy Hands: Coldplay’s biggest fan.

Everyone and their granny knows Anniston is still mad about the fact chisel-head had the temerity to run off with Angelina Jolie. And now it’s the turn of Not Gay One John Mayer to do a runner, who in an address to assembled paparazzi implied the one time Friends star is a desperate cling-on whose uterus aches everytime she walks past a photo of you-know-who. Life is cruel, but bad PR is fatal. So one of Jen’s “close friends” has hit back. She told the NY Post, “What a creep! Mayer is the biggest jerk ever. How dare he set up a p.r. stunt like that? He should be ashamed of himself and just shut his mouth.” Musictoob says: no one in this story is gay.

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John Mayer says he has “different chemistry” to Jennifer Aniston. That’s why he nixxed her needy ass

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer get it on in public

Jennifer Aniston turns groupie for John Mayer’s UK tour

Are you allowed to be a rapper with a midriff like that?  Dawgs, come on. You get thrown out of the club for that shit. Kanye West (or ‘Waist’ as the Sun hilariously recommends) has just bought 10 ‘Fatburger‘ restaurants in the Chicago area. And..er…eaten the contents. More burger joints. Cool. That sounds like just what America needs. A’ight.

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Hip hop is gay

Musictoob recommends: Kanye West’s Can’t Tell Me Nothing

You are walking through London’s Soho. If you are not an Albanian gangster or a sex trafficked Romanian 15-year-old, chances are you are some sort of media wanker. You also seem to have a Belarusian granny’s head-scarf tied around your midriff. Your Chernobyl waist fashion is not cutting it. Pondering these depressing facts, you suddenly spy pop star, Lily Allen, bloody resplendent in expensive dress and fancy black Louboutins trotting out of the Groucho club. She is arm in arm with Miquita Oliver. Obviously, they’ve just been drinking twelve quid cocktails and growing smug. You’ve had a bad day and your head is hurting. You see red. To hell with the 20 balding men brandishing cameras nearby waiting to get their weekly dose of Lily’s left breast as she gets into her car. You want a bitch fight, Tarantino style, on Dean Street and goddamn it, you’re going to get it. You open your mouth and let loose a torrent of abuse in seven different languages. It works. Lily goes NUTS. She punches you in the face, a face bathed in celestial light. She swings at you four times. You laugh villainously and feel better about your life. Face it, someone’s got to.

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“Shy” Lily Allen flashes boobs - then blogs about it

Lily Allen drops trousers in London street

Lily Allen hits the skids

Amy Winehouse triumphantly bucked all expectations at the V Festival this weekend. Not by being incoherent and scaring children away, but by actually being there and not crawling around a London opium den sniffing out mice to kiss instead. (Now that’s what I call a pub snack! ) Her shambling performance at the Weston Park, Staffordshire leg of the festival on Saturday night managed to attract some boos, while her Hylands Park set at the second leg of in Chelmsford went a little smoother say reports. Although perhaps they were handing out garlic garlands when she played the latter set, which would explain why she looks as though she’s about to melt into a vial of blood - just leaving two twitching MDMA eyeballs glaring out across Essex.

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Amy Winehouse Glastonbury appearance is a disaster. No-one is surprised.

Amy Winehouse has emphysema, says Dad. Or has she?

Ronnie Wood, 61, has done the decent thing and left his wife of 23 years and decided to run off with his 20 year old lover Ekatarina Ivanova. At least that is what she is saying: “Ronnie’s moving on. It’s a fresh start. He’s made the decision. He loves me and he’s LEAVING!” There’s more. “I’m not taking someone’s husband, he’s LEAVING. I never pursued him,” she adds. According to a source: “Katia understands that he has a lot to sort out first. Ronnie’s feels like he’s been reborn and suddenly making decisions for himself. He insists he’s in love with Katia.” The pair have been looking for a house to rent. What could possible go wrong? Lots! Another source insists: “Ekaterina is living in a fantasy world. To say she has won Ronnie is ridiculous, particularly as there isn’t a competition. This silly child is trying to play grown-ups but she is just showing how immature and unready she is for an adult relationship.” [Read more →]